Thursday, October 31, 2013


God said to Satan, "Consider my servant, Job."  Those four words marked Job for catastrophic loss.  Why would God, who promises to hide us in the palm of his hand, point out a good and faithful servant to Satan?  God was not boasting, and unlike some of Job's friends, I don't believe that God meant to punish him.  So why would God 'mark' Job by pointing him out to an enemy who rules the place (the world) Job inhabits?  Is it betrayal?

These were the questions I had about Job, that is, until the past few weeks.  You see, I have been incrementally losing everything.  Two years ago my mother passed away from a head injury, but I was so happy to still have my father. Weeks later he died from a heart attack, but I still had my brothers and sisters.  I was the co-executor on their sizable estate and over the next year, I lost many of my brothers and sisters to disputes and control.  Depressed and stressed, I confided to my Christian friends.  Eventually they avoided me.  I stopped writing and my writers' group stopped including me.  I thought, OK, I still have my children, but political differences between my daughter and I separated us- for now.

Yes, I do believe the loss is 'for now'.  I do have enough faith in God to know he will restore the things that are my heart's desire.  But, I asked myself, "Why is God doing or allowing this?" 

I have observed that God's acts are like a finely cut diamond.  He never uses a good work to prosper just one person, his works are so multi-faceted, we may never know whom or how many people have been served by our answered prayer.  Still, a spiritual child in many ways, I wanted to know why he was doing this to ME.

I began an inventory.  Yes, I am not a perfect servant - at times I am not even a good servant.  Still I am God's child by my own decision to believe and accept his plan of salvation, and as his child I inherit a level of rights as he outlined in his Word.  One of those rights is to be sheltered from the enemy and another is to expect not to be punished - disciplined yes - but not punished.

"So, Lord - what are you doing to me?  I want to know!"  The answer came, and came and came again.  I hate criticism - well my son said it with a little more finesse - I am too sensitive.  Of course I countered, "You should be glad I am so sensitive because that is where my love lies."; a spurious argument. Being sensitive was about me; my ego.  Love is about the other person, and then I remembered my prayer journal from last year.  "Please God make me a loving person."  My sensitivity was limiting me for the next level God wanted me to take.

"I submit, Lord.  Do your wonderful thing with me - change me to your Will - not mine.  I know you will restore all that has been lost when I am ready to receive any criticism from those I love. In Jesus' name."